NOW YOU CAN DOWNLOAD ANY AND ALL OF THESE SONGS!

What the heck is the KNOW Talent Agency, anyway? Well, I’ve never made any money doing this, and the only performer is me, and my talent is questionable, so the term Talent Agency is a misnomer. The KNOW Talent Agency is just the cast of imaginary characters that I give credit for performing my songs. I am Roscoe Aardvark, Rufus Leaking, Mr. Wompy and yes, even Buzzy Bottoms. And to answer the question that everyone has asked me, "Have you made any money from your songs?", the answer is, "NO!"

Then why did you do this? I’ve always loved crazy songs and parodies. Since my teenage years, I’ve dreamed of writing and performing a dumb song, and then hearing it on the radio. So back in the late 80s, I took some of my hard-earned money and invested in a few electronic musical instruments, a 4-track recorder and computer software and started a new hobby. When John-Boy and Billy of WRFX put "A Crazy Bunch" on the air in April 1987, my dream was realized!

OK, I admit that "A Crazy Bunch" isn’t too good, and my singing voice falls far below most standards of professionalism, but we all gotta start somewhere. If you are patient and make it all the way through all of these songs, you should enjoy at least a few of them. Fart songs? If you are a guy, you’ll have a few laughs. If you’re female, you are probably genetically programmed against "getting" fart humor.
 

NEW!!!!
(well ... at least it is my most recent song ... recorded January 29, 2005)

Pokin' Holes • Mr. Wompy • January 2005 • I came up with this song back in the late 1990s, and I've been fiddling around with it off and on (more off than on) since then.  I consider it to be the definitive song about body piercing.  I just don't understand why somebody would poke a hole in their eyebrow or navel or tongue or ... name your favorite body part.  I believe that there is a good reason for pain -- it means "DON'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!"  ...  This song has been included on a few podcasts (check out my song details here at The Mad Music Archive), and has been in the Dementia Top 20 on DFSXRadio.com. ... file size 2,885,632 bytes ... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

RELATIVELY NEW ...
(Recorded July 23, 2004)

Wagdi • Mr. Wompy • July 2004 • If anyone is looking for proof that I am completely nuts, then all you have to do is listen to this song.  Yes, there really is a man named Wagdi who works at a grocery store near my home.  And he's a nice guy, and knows how to treat his customers.  But he would probably have a hemorrhage if he knew that some customer decided to write a song about him.  Why did I do this?  Gee .... I don't know .... I shopped there one day a year or so ago, and on the way home this song just started materializing in my head.  But I sensed that it needed something a little different in the middle of the song.  Finally, it hit me -- why not a parody of Toni Basil's "Mickey"?... This song was played on the nationally syndicated Dr. Demento Show on 1/22 & 1/23/05! ...  file size 2,875,392 bytes... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

Crazy Christmas Stuff

I Want A Blow-Up Doll For Christmas • Arnie Aardvark • November 1992 • This is the big one!  It was played three times on the nationally syndicated Dr. Demento Show during the 1993 Christmas season, and has been played a total of 15 times over the years!  Not only that, but it was the #1 song in the 1993 Christmas Funny Five on the show.  (The opinions expressed in this song do not represent the opinions of the songwriter.  No way.  This is comedy only!) ...(Considering the relative success of this song, I am amazed that none of my crazy friends have actually given me a blow-up doll for Christmas.) ... file size 2,105,260 bytes... Did you like this song?  You can click here and request this song on the Dr. Demento show!  Thanks!

Christmas Tails • Buzzy Bottoms • November 1987 • The musical butt performs a Christmas medley.  Watch out for stray lightning bolts during the Hallelujah Chorus finale!... file size 1,564,819 bytes

Funny Santa Claus • Roscoe Aardvark • November 1987 • What if Santa Claus was a homosexual?  This song explores that strange possibility.  Considered by many to be KNOW Talent Agency’s best, it still never got airplay. ... file size 2,635,232 bytes

My Other Crazy Crap

A Crazy Bunch • Roscoe Aardvark • April 1987 • This is the very first song, written in response to a theme song contest for John-Boy and Billy of WRFX radio in Charlotte (before they went into syndication).  It made it on the air, but it didn’t win. (Parody of The Brady Bunch) ... file size 1,406,955 bytes

Dueling Behinds • Buzzy Bottoms • April 1987 • It’s amazing what I was able to do with a Macintosh computer, sound digitizing hardware and music software. Add a good meal of pinto beans into the mix, and you’ve got a hit song. With apologies to Arthur Smith.  This was probably my most-played song on the John-Boy and Billy Show. ... file size 1,240,502 bytes

Hey, George! • Roscoe Aardvark • April 1987 • Local millionaire George Shinn had just convinced the NBA to put a franchise in Charlotte, NC. He was a local hero at the time, but he wanted to call the team the Charlotte Spirit. This song was conceived, written and recorded in one evening, with the sole purpose being to change George’s mind. Note that the name "Hornets" is suggested in the song.  As it turned out, George eventually moved the team to New Orleans, and now the Charlotte NBA teams is called the Bobcats.  This one also made it on the air. ... file size 2,170,253 bytes

Hooterville Rap • Rufus Leaking • May 1987 • My personal tribute to one of television’s all-time best situation comedies: Green Acres!  My lucky streak continued - this one made it on the air, too! ... file size 2,473,482 bytes

The Official Telephone Solicitation Protest Song  • Elmo Elshire • July 1987 • It was time to write a song about one of my biggest pet peeves.  Some people have told me that this is their favorite of all my songs, but it does tend to drag on and on.  This one didn’t make it on the air.  By the way, the Bob Walton referred to in the song is a local county commissioner who got arrested and convicted for homosexual assault on a 17-year-old boy.  He served 30 days, and later got re-elected. ... file size 2,737,214 bytes

The Clang-Clang Man • Roscoe Aardvark with the Clang-Clang Man • August 1987 • The Clang-Clang Man was a popular caller on John-Boy & Billy’s Open Line. I soon found out that he worked for my brother, so I wrote a song just for him, and he became the first guest artist for the KNOW Talent Agency.   This became my 5th song on the air.  Final note to story: my brother had to fire him a few months later. Such is the price of fame and fortune. ... file size 3,313,371 bytes

You’re Gonna Look Like A Monkey • Bob Raiford with Buzzy Bottoms • January 1988 • My timed tape recorder picked up controversial WRFX commentator Robert D. Raiford singing one morning. So with the magic of my Macintosh and the sound digitizer, I transformed it into a fully orchestrated masterpiece. Sort of.  Raiford was apparently upset that I used his voice without his permission, but they put it on the air anyway. ... file size 1,475,918

The Mary Kay Hotel • Roscoe Aardvark • April 1989 • After a long period of inactivity, the KNOW Talent Agency returned with another hit. A huge pink church visible from miles away inspired this parody of Heartbreak Hotel.  This one made it on the air, too!* ... 2,640,457 bytes

(There’s An Odor) In The Air Tonight • Ernest T. Collins • April 1989 • Fart humor returns. Many apologies to Phil Collins. This one didn’t make it on the air. Strike another blow for quality radio programming. ... file size 3,036,891 bytes

Blue Denim Suit • Roscoe Aardvark • August 1989 • Jim Bakker was convicted of fleecing his flock, so I wrote this parody of Blue Suede Shoes. This one didn’t make the airwaves either. (In case you don’t get it, many prisoners wear blue denim.) * ... file size 2,651,951 bytes

USeless Air • The Jim-Bob Hendrix Bad Flight Experience • October 1989 • When USAir bought Piedmont Airlines, their service went to hell in a hand basket, thus inspiring this parody of Jimmy Hendrix’s Purple Haze. The flight attendant speaking at the end was supposed to poke fun at a few recent USAir screw-ups. OK, so it isn’t very funny.  Must be why this one didn't make it on the air. ... file size 2,551,769 bytes

Niners, Be Good • Eric Brown • January 1992 • I wrote and recorded this song to celebrate the recent success of the UNC Charlotte basketball team. John-Boy liked it so much that he recorded his own version. This is my version. Guess which one was broadcast? * ... file size 2,777,861 bytes

The Redneck Song • Richard Cranium • February 1992 • A parody of Sweet Transvestite from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. No offense intended to Gastonians (i.e. people from Gastonia, NC). * ... file size 3,892,245 bytes

Cathy Ain’t Got No Nose • Roscoe Aardvark • March 1992 • An all-out attack on the popular comic strip "Cathy". This parody of Chantilly Lace looks at it from a male perspective (i.e. why doesn’t Irving just dump Cathy?). As it turns out, in the comic strip Cathy ended up marrying Irving.  He obviously didn't listen to this song. * ... file size 2,727,184 bytes

The Horny Computer • P.C. Macintosh and the Peripheral Equipment • August 1992 • My Macintosh computer was the vocalist on this one, and the quality of my background music improved a great deal.  This original composition didn’t make it on the air because the lyrics were not intelligible enough.  Listen closely, though, and you should understand it.  (And remember that in 1992, 8 megs was a lot of RAM!) ... file size 1,448,646 bytes

NASCAR Speed Racer • Roscoe Aardvark • May 1993 • This song was a blatant attempt to get back on the John-Boy and Billy show by jumping on the NASCAR bandwagon that comes to Charlotte every May.  In my humble opinion, it’s a pretty good song, but I struck out again. ... file size 2,848,391 bytes

Money For Selling • Eric Brown • early 1990s • This is a parody of Money For Nothing by Dire Straits, and was written and recorded to add spice to one of my former employer's sales meetings.  You probably won't get some parts of this one unless you are familiar with Warner Electric products. ... file size 3,680,259 bytes

Impeach The Lying SOB • Roscoe Aardvark • September 1998 • Even if you are a big long-time KNOW Talent Agency fan, you probably haven't heard this one.  This was one I recorded in reaction to Clinton's Monica Lewinsky fiasco.  I wasn't particularly pleased with the end result of the recording, so I never played it for anyone, and I didn't send it to John-Boy and Billy or Dr. Demento.  But now you can hear it here! ... file size 1,324,408 bytes

* Indicates that the background music is from a "karoake" sing-a-long tape. On all other songs, the musical accompaniment was created by Yours Truly.

"Funny Santa Claus" © 1987 Eric Brown

"I Want A Blow-Up Doll For Christmas" © 1992 Eric Brown

"Pokin' Holes" © 2005 Eric Brown

All rights reserved, so you don’t get any!

Huge helpings of thanks to:

My wife Pat for her love and support, playing the stewardess in "USeless Air", and putting up with the fart songs.

John-Boy and Billy of WRFX for the free publicity.

Roger Murray for the name "Roscoe Aardvark".

National Lampoon for the name "Rufus Leaking".

Robert D. Raiford for not taking me to court for using his voice.

Dr. Demento for giving my music national exposure.

All those songwriters whose music I ripped off, I mean, used in song parodies.

All of you that have actually enjoyed my music and have urged me to continue in this madness.

It’s been a number of years since I recorded my last song. I’ve written a few more, a few more are floating around in my head, and I have better computer equipment now to do the job. But somehow I can’t find the time to record my music these days. I’ll blame two things: my job and the fact that I have taken up golf. But someday in the future, don’t be surprised if you hear another song from the KNOW Talent Agency.

If the sound quality of this music is not up to the professional standards of the rest of your music collection, please remember that